i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
