return my video game
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize