He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
