I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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