You're so nebulous sometimes
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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