ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
