My first STD was from a foam party
i need an iv and a liver transplant
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
