We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
