cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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