Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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