Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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