I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
