i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
