the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
