So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
