Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
