omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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