Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
