I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
