haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
