I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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