she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
