Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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