FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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