Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Randomize
