Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
