I'm lost and stupid without you.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
