ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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