Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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