arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
