my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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