I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize