Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That accounts for only three of the penises
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
