I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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