I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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