First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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