Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
