Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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