I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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