so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
