the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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