I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
