So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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