Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
