I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
