She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
