I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
