Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Randomize
