he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
