I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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