Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize