I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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