Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wish they made helmets for livers.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
