I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
No subtext here. People are naked.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize