Will you blow on my dice?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
