I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
