I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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