Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
