I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
