When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
