So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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