come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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