i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
